I had a great appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday.  My A1C is higher than it’s been in about a decade, but there was NO judgement.  I knew my A1C was not where I wanted or needed it to be, and Dr. M and her resident were AWESOME!  There was no questioning, no judgement, no glares, no anything negative.  It was all positive – supportive, helpful, reassuring, kind, understanding… Dr. M takes such an approach of – I want to help you make this better.  What can we do to make this better?  Do you know why things haven’t been going well?  I’m here to help and support you and help you get back on track.  I have missed that supportive environment from a doctor for the past couple years, and it’s so great to be back.

Diabetes is such an individual disease, both from one person to the next, but also from one day to the next.  I don’t understand how an endocrinologist or CDE can help you figure things out with diabetes management and blood sugars if they don’t take the time to try to get to know the PERSON living day to day with the disease.  That’s what was missing from my endocrinologist in Indiana.  I felt like she only ever saw the numbers, and never saw ME.

The other big topic for the appointment was my thyroid.  It’s been about 4 years since I saw Dr. M last, and she previously estimated my enlarged thyroid at about 30g give or take, soft, generally symmetrical.  Now, my thyroid is estimated at about 50g!  It has almost doubled in size, yet my thyroid blood levels are still in the normal range.  I am getting thyroid antibodies drawn, and having a thyroid ultrasound in a week to see if we can figure things out.  For the past probably 5 years, I have had a random group of symptoms affecting multiple body systems that no one can find an explanation for.  Amazingly, thyroid issues would account for many if not all of those symptoms.  Here’s the kicker though: if my antibodies come back positive, Dr. M will start me on thyroid hormone to try to shrink the goiter and see if that helps with my symptoms.  If the antibodies come back negative, no treatment since my TSH and T4 are as always, within normal limits.  I guess I’m frustrated that with my thyroid basically doubling in size over 4 years, 1 blood test is determining if something can be done about it or not.  As crazy as it sounds, I’m honestly praying the antibody test comes back positive.  No, I don’t want another faulty / broken piece of equipment in my body, but I DO want an answer, and this would be about the simplest answer, and easiest treatment possible.

What do I do if the antibody test comes back negative?  Is there anything else that can be done about my crazy growing thyroid?  From what I understand, thyroids only enlarge if there’s some kind of neoplastic / cancer issue / cyst / etc. going on OR if it’s having to grow to keep up with producing the right amount of thyroid hormone to keep your body functioning as it should.  So am I just going to have a thyroid that eventually grows massively large just to keep up with the demand?  Thyroid hormone will shrink a goiter because your thyroid doesn’t have to work as hard to produce all the necessary hormone on its own – it’s essentially getting some help / back up from the medication.

Thyroid people… Goiter people… Thoughts, things I should think about, look into, questions to ask, etc.?  Thanks!

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After moving back to Madison in October, I was so excited to be accepted back into the now closed to new patients practice of the endocrinologist I saw here for about 6 years when I was living in the area previously.  I have my first appointment back with her this afternoon.

In Indiana, I never really found an endocrinologist that I felt like I clicked with.  The lady there that I saw for the couple years I was living there I felt like always was judging me, and never really tried to get to know me as a person.  With something like diabetes that is such an individual disease, how can you know how to help someone if you don’t at least try to know SOMETHING about them as a person!?  My diabetes care there was not what I was hoping for, I didn’t go to the endo as often as I should have because of how I felt with this doctor, and now it’s time to get back on track.

The endo here in Madison, well, and her whole team – I feel like they cared about me as a person, patient, and diabetic.  They understood my stresses and anxiety about losing my 2 type 1 aunts at very young ages.  I am nervous to be going back to the endocrinologist because my A1C right now is not great, but I’m so excited to be back in a supportive environment in a place where I feel like I’m cared for and about.

This appointment also comes at a very good time because I have been having some issues lately with some obnoxiously persistent low blood sugars that end up resulting in massive spikes later on… more about that later.  I’m hoping Dr. M will have some insights about that, what could be causing them, how to fix them, etc.

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School, etc.

The hospital that I am working at now in Madison, WI has an academic partnership with an Illinois school for a fully online RN to BS completion program.  Instead of the typical price per credit hour, they have a deal for us that is one set price per class, no matter how many credit hours it is.

I had planning on going for an RN to MSN program (either family nurse practitioner and then getting the post-master’s Women’s Health NP certificate or straight up Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner program) to save time and money, but in the long run, I will save more money if I take advantage of the deal with my current employer and this school, and then do a completely separate MSN, DNP, or PA program.

Physician’s Assistant programs are tempting in that they do not have a set specialty that they are graduating with a degree in, so it’s more open for if I were to ever want to change my focus sometime during my career.  Also, PAs can help in operating rooms during surgeries.  This sounds pretty good to me.

BUT… as a nurse practitioner, I would be able to practice independently, and not need a physician to sign off on my work, prescriptions, etc. AND… I’d still be a nurse.  The one hang-up I’m having about nurse practitioner programs, is that they’re specialized – internal medicine, family practice, pediatrics, women’s health, neonatal, so if I were to want to change my focus during my career, I’d likely have to go back for more education and get additional certifications to change my care area.

I’m not yet sure what I will end up doing after the Bachelor’s completion program, I have many options.  The world of nurse practitioners is in the middle of some great change where many, of not most of all NP programs are changing from Master’s to DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice) so there’s more unknown right now in that field.

I have thought about a more general course of study for an NP degree, like family practice or internal medicine, but then if I want to do only women’s health, the post-master’s certificate programs I have seen are all at least 1 academic year long!

So many things to think about… I am hoping to be able to pursue that dream that I had a while ago where I was a women’s health practitioner (in the dream I was an NP, but either NP or PA) and also had my diabetes educator certification so I could work with families during pregnancies involving diabetes, and general women’s health as well.

If anyone has any thoughts about graduate education – NP, PA, MSN, DNP, etc. please leave me a comment.  I’m feeling very lost as to what kind of program I should pursue after I get my Bachelor’s, so any insights would be appreciated.

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Diabetes-Related Sadness

So I am back in Madison, WI now, closer to family.  Have a new job here that’s going pretty well so far.  BUT – when it rains, it pours.  After I started this job here, I landed an interview for a DIABETES job here in town.  Now I would never leave the job I just started, even for the diabetes job, but I figured since both were part time, I’d apply, and see if I could make both work.

I got an interview, I thought the interview went REALLY well, but no word yet and it’s been 2 weeks since the interview.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the job.  I am so sad!

My current career dream is to become a CDE, AND either a Physician’s Assistant, or Nurse Practitioner in Women’s Health, and work with women with diabetes through conception, pregnancy, post-partum, etc.  Not sure how that’s ever going to happen, but as of now it’s the ultimate goal.

I also applied recently for a scholarship to the Diabetes Unconference.  I did not get selected for a scholarship so I can’t afford to go to that… MAJOR bummer!

I plan on applying for a Children with Diabetes Friends for Life Conference scholarship when those are open, so maybe that will work out.

For now though, there’s a bunch of bummer stuff going on in my D world.

#DSMA tonight was good, talking about burn-out both with diabetes itself, and with social media / diabetes social media.  Well, I’m kind of depressed about the diabetes things that haven’t gone my way recently.  I wouldn’t say it’s burn-out, but more frustration and depression about wanting to do more, be more, live more, and not being able to.

More later.  I’m going to try to start getting back into my blog as an outlet, and especially now that I’ve become more active with the weekly #DSMA chats.

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“Dealing with Diabetes Burnout” by Ginger Vieira

I started reading this book by the wonderful Ginger Vieira earlier today.  I’m only on page 31, but I’m already sitting here in tears.  I am not a person who asks for help – never have been.  I have always been one who does everything her self, and hates to feel like I can’t do what I need to on my own.

I feel so alone.  I feel alone living in Indiana far from all my friends and family, I feel alone in the diabetes world, I feel alone.  I lost 2 aunts to diabetes far too young.  One was in her 40s, and the other in her early 50s.  Because of that and being the only diabetic left in the family, I have a hard time talking to anyone in my family about diabetes.  My friends here in Indiana are mainly work friends, and I don’t want to bring that drama to my work friends.

I’m scared.  Having those 2 aunts die so young of diabetes or diabetes-related things scares the ever living heck out of me.  People reply with their annoying platitudes such as “the technology is so much better now”; “but you take care of yourself”, etc.  I don’t care – it still scares me to think of what the future may or may not hold for me.

I need someone to talk to, but I can’t talk to someone I may be seeing in real life.  Does that make sense?  I need to connect with some people who “get it” but that I don’t have to fear judgement from or fear seeing them in public.  I need a bit of anonymity with my emotions, fears, etc.  Kind of odd that I’m posting this all on here, but I guess I need to feel like I’m being heard by people who understand, without having to see and REALLY connect with them.  Really connecting is hard.

So my dream is to be a CDE.  If I have these moments where I feel like I emotionally and mentally can’t handle my own diabetes, how will I be able to help other people handle their diabetes?  I feel like I NEED to be a CDE, but SHOULD I be one?

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So it’s been almost a year since I last wrote a post on here.  Unfortunately, nothing much has changed.  I am still living in Indiana, working on the mother / baby unit at a local hospital.

I have had a couple interviews for endocrine clinic / office / diabetes jobs, but nothing played out.

One of the interviews went super well, but they were looking for more an endocrine nurse for hormone therapies, growth hormones, testosterone injections than for a diabetes nurse, and the manager felt that I wouldn’t be happy in that position not being very involved with diabetes care – BOO!

I have been getting more involved with a local Adults with Type 1 group here in Indy, and that’s great, but I’m still having a hard time not feeling so defeated about NOTHING happening with the diabetes jobs thing.

I have started another blog that essentially will be my “Part-Time Caregivers’ Guide to Kids with Type 1 Diabetes”.  This way, I get it OUT THERE, it’s FREE, and there’s the potential for an interactive element to it where people can comment, ask questions, etc. instead of something printed on paper where you can’t ask questions and get a response back.

This blog is in its infancy right now, and hopefully in the next week or so I will really get it going.  For now, it’s an intro. and not much more since most of the files I need to upload are on my computer at home, and I’m not there at the moment.

Anyway, the new blog is:

Please feel free to share this with people you know that night have a use for it, and as always, comments, recommendations, questions, edits are very welcome.

Stay tuned… more to come!

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I had a couple weird dreams earlier tonight.  The first was that I got 2 certified letters from 2 of the diabetes clinics I sent my guide to, and they both were praising me for my efforts, passions, and they both offered me jobs!  HA!  If only that dream were real.

The other dream, far more realistic, but no idea where it came from was that I went to a TCBY store and they had Nutella frozen yogurt.  A very delightful dream until I realized that I have never actually seen Nutella frozen yogurt.

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