I started reading this book by the wonderful Ginger Vieira earlier today. I’m only on page 31, but I’m already sitting here in tears. I am not a person who asks for help – never have been. I have always been one who does everything her self, and hates to feel like I can’t do what I need to on my own.
I feel so alone. I feel alone living in Indiana far from all my friends and family, I feel alone in the diabetes world, I feel alone. I lost 2 aunts to diabetes far too young. One was in her 40s, and the other in her early 50s. Because of that and being the only diabetic left in the family, I have a hard time talking to anyone in my family about diabetes. My friends here in Indiana are mainly work friends, and I don’t want to bring that drama to my work friends.
I’m scared. Having those 2 aunts die so young of diabetes or diabetes-related things scares the ever living heck out of me. People reply with their annoying platitudes such as “the technology is so much better now”; “but you take care of yourself”, etc. I don’t care – it still scares me to think of what the future may or may not hold for me.
I need someone to talk to, but I can’t talk to someone I may be seeing in real life. Does that make sense? I need to connect with some people who “get it” but that I don’t have to fear judgement from or fear seeing them in public. I need a bit of anonymity with my emotions, fears, etc. Kind of odd that I’m posting this all on here, but I guess I need to feel like I’m being heard by people who understand, without having to see and REALLY connect with them. Really connecting is hard.
So my dream is to be a CDE. If I have these moments where I feel like I emotionally and mentally can’t handle my own diabetes, how will I be able to help other people handle their diabetes? I feel like I NEED to be a CDE, but SHOULD I be one?